I remember it all

I was 19 going 20 when I met Adeniyi. Niyi spoke fluent English, was a student of Obafemi Awolowo University and to me then, dating a guy in 300 level was a big deal for me. You know the whole idea of dating someone who is much higher than you in every area of life so that by the time you are ready to get married, he would be well established enough to marry you. Well yea, we had that notion at some points in our lives.

It was fun having Niyi around. We’d go on long walks, talk about things that happened during his stay at school and I shared my ignorance with him too. With time, he was bent on us having sex. At that point, I never had sex but my knowledge as to what sex was, was wild. I read romantic novels, seen some sex videos and had it at the back of my mind that my initial attempt to having sex will be very painful.

On a very sunny afternoon, I was at his place when the discussion came up again. He told me how he wanted to start having sex with me so he would resist every temptation. He told me it was my duty to make sure he is satisfied sexually and otherwise. I remember telling him it doesn’t have to be all about sex. He said I really should consider having sex with him to increase our bond. I told him I would think about it and then the kissing and cuddling started. He told me how all we did always ended up as punishment to him.

He suggested we take a step further. He told me to remove my pant so he could place his penis between my thighs so he could reach orgasm, I accepted. Anything to please my boyfriend at least. The kissing and throbbing went on until he could no longer hold it.

I remember letting out a loud cry. It was very painful and he let me go instantly. I felt the pain. He apologised and walked into the bathroom. When I got up, I felt the blood. I touched it and wondered, ‘have I lost my virginity? Is this the much talked about blood’?

I reached for the tissue paper on the shelf and cleaned up before he came out. I hid the tissue while wincing in pain. ‘If this is not me losing, if this blood isn’t where it end, how much more pain would I have to go through then?’

When he came out of the bathroom, he apologised again and said he thought I was lying about being a virgin. He promised not to touch me again until I am ready to have sex. He sincerely never asked for sex until we parted ways.

And then I met another Niyi when I turned 21, Olaniyi. You wonder what it is with guys called Niyi and I, right? I don’t know too. We started a relationship and at that point I decided I was ready for sex. I spent 3 different but not consecutive weekends at his place. He was quite patient I guess because we showered together, cooked together, slept in the same bed together. On the 4^th weekend he made a move. I told him I was a virgin and he laughed. He didn’t believe me. He told me I wasn’t acting as one and that a virgin would be scared to be as close to him as I have been all this while.

I told him I wasn’t bothered about him believing me or not, I am just sacred of the pain. He promised it won’t be painful. Well….I decided to let him. At first try, the pain was unbearable. I shouted and pushed him away.

He was sensitive enough though. He told me sorry and promising he won’t touch me and that the pain will reduce. We carried on that way even at the 2^nd and 3^rd attempt. I started getting used to the penetration after the 4^th I think. We talked about it.

He asked; “how come you are a virgin and I saw no blood?”

Of course I had the perfect explanation but I’d rather keep my explanations to myself. I didn’t think he was worth the explanation. I could see the puzzle on his face, I had no intention of solving it. I simply told him I had no idea, told him he was my first.

“I know I am…or I think I am. I mean I know no one has gone in there before but the blood, I can’t explain it.”

Most times I sit down and wonder, who did I lose my virginity to? Adeniyi or Olaniyi?

Although I am quite proud of the fact that no man would be proud enough to walk up to my future husband claiming he disvirgined me. Still, I want to know, who took it?