I have had more sexual conversations than actual sex in my 30+ years of living and I love it. Being open to these conversations, viewing and reading up on sexual activity related content have helped me build a level of confidence and self-awareness when it comes to sexual pleasure – I know what I like, what I enjoy and things I hope to enjoy. There are many physical and mental health benefits associated with having regular sex, So if you are having regular healthy sex, I am happy for you. Many are not.

According to an article on Healthline.com, ‘Just like exercise, sex can help reduce stress and anxiety and increase happiness.” Studies suggest that sexual activity may help with increased satisfaction with your mental health, increased levels of trust, intimacy and love in your relationships.

Personally, if I have to define good sex, I will say Pleasure & Orgasm. Pleasure is the entire journey while orgasm is a moment in the journey. It means that for me to enjoy sex with a person, I have to really like the person, work my brain into being comfortable around him and hope that the partner is out to pleasure me in ways that works for me while I hope to do same. It’s almost like taking a risk. Being able to communicate your wants and needs help give better chance at great sexual pleasure and orgasm. Also, it never ends with physical attraction for me. I could like what I see but the words flowing from the mouth of the other person turns me all off to dryness and irritation. I could also not be physically attracted to a person but with time, their intelligence, persona and charisma gets me there. So at this point, I have come to the conclusion that it is not just about the physicals for me, it is mental.

For sexual pleasure and people in a relationship, the journey is almost always in motion. Your actions and inactions per time stimulates your partners sexual journey, hence leading to pleasurable moments during actual intimacy and otherwise. Factors such as the environment, hygiene, romance, care, communication, sensitivity, considerateness and love all contribute to ensuring sexual pleasure. It means that the parties involved are interested in each other’s wellbeing beyond conquering for sexual activity and reaching an orgasm. There is intimacy and an unspoken commitment to make each other happy.

For Orgasm, it’s a sport. The goal is to conquer, get into the action and reach an orgasm. At best, explore enough to make your partner wet, in order to make it enjoyable (not pleasurable), then orgasm can be reached with the right strokes, positions and act.

So if the question is: How often do you get an orgasm from your sexual activities?

To take it further: How pleasurable is your sexual life?

Some days ago, there was an outrage on various social media about a tweet on how long foreplay should last. A lady said in a tweet attached below that couples should learn to spend 30mins – 1hour working on foreplay alone, instead of always rushing into penetration.

Following the conversation around the above tweet, it was clear to see how little many people know about an activity they interestingly engage in a lot, albeit shielded in hypocrisy.

When conversations about women embracing their sexuality comes up, many see it as a means to promote promiscuity and I do not agree. I believe openness and having these conversations in safe spaces help people make better decisions. I also do not think I make the best decisions all the time, but I try and I am happy with where my head is. Good or bad to you, it doesn’t matter, as long as I do not feel like I am hurting someone or regret, then it’s working for me.

I do hope that women explore their sexuality and embrace it, that way, they can make better decisions while living a more pleasurable life. Men must also begin to see pleasure and orgasm during sex as a joint goal.