by Samuel Oluwatobi Olatunji“Happy new year, baby!”“same to you, dear.. I’ve missed you!”“I guess me too”“You guess?”“Nah… I refuse to guess… I miss you like a person in hell misses water”“hmmm… ok o”“this house looks clean… are you sure no other girl came here while I was away?”“well, a girl was around”“what? And you can’t even deny it?”“why should I?”“how could you? I was only gone for the festive period”“I hope you are not saying I was cheating with another girl?”“isn’t that what you were doing?”“hahahaha… dumbass! Have you forgotten?”“forgotten what?”“we spoke over the phone, and I told you my sister would be spending the holiday with me”“oh, yeah… em… you should have said that since… you simply said a girl?”“hahaha… jealous woman…. Is my sister not a girl?”“well, forget that!”“ok, ma… anyway, I hope you haven’t forgotten that my birthday is a few months away”“hmm… if this recession continues, you may just be getting a cake emoji from me o”“no problem… and you will be getting a human emoji from me as your new boyfriend”“hahaha… calm down now… why are you looking so angry?”“why shouldn’t I?”“hahaha… someone cannot play with you, abi?”“if you want to play, I know a playground around… I can gather kids for you”“hmmm… that would be fun… I have missed playing with kids too”“if you missed kids so much, get pregnant and give birth to yours”“hahaha… in this recession? Nah, not yet…. But wait… are you insinuating something?”“insinuating what please?”“I think you’re just saying you want to sleep with me… I guess you have really missed that…”“who wouldn’t miss sleeping with you?”“hahahaha… bad boy! You better be ready to come and pay my bride price…”“Probably after the recession…”“seriously… then no sex until after recession… enjoy celibacy, baby!”“no, you can’t do that?”“why not?”“I have been sex-starved for over two weeks now… can’t you see how thin I’ve been getting because of that?”“well, at least you are fatter than a broomstick so your situation isn’t really miserable”“really?”“anyway, tomorrow, I will get you a big teddy bear… you can do anything you want to do with it until the bride price is paid”“seriously? You want me to be sleeping with a teddy bear?”“why not? At least, I won’t be jealous enough to stab you to death”“but sleeping with a teddy bear is death already… just kill me now please”“oh, you want to die now? No problem… let me quickly get the knife from the kitchen”“wait, where are you going?”“to the kitchen of course!”“to do what?”“to get the knife”“to do what with it?”“to circumcise myself… idiot! Be ready to die o”“Jesus! My girlfriend is possessed! Somebody help….”“hahahaha… where are you running to? Well, I will postpone your death until you return… take care, baby! Hahahahahahaha…”Click HERE for previous parts of Scribbles of Our Stupidity!!!