Lately, I have been hearing so many stories about rape and I feel the chills in my spine. What would make a man commit such violence against a woman?

There’s been a lot of media awareness around this issue and everyone is being educated in other to put a stop to it. I mean no should mean no. But another thing we also need to be educated about is sexual coercion. What about people who say ‘yes’ to sex under duress? Isn’t that rape as well? Shouldn’t we educate people about when ‘yes’ actually doesn’t mean ‘yes’?

Sexual coercion is when tactics like pressure, trickery, or emotional force are used to get someone to agree to sex. I remember this one time, a guy actually told me that when a woman says no she actually means yes. I have no idea what that even means. Like does no now have a different meaning or what? Sexual coercion could be as simple as encouraging someone to have a few drinks or threatening them with ‘if you don’t have sex with me, I would leave you’. But no matter what form it takes, sexual coercion isn’t ‘part of life’ – manipulative at best and at worst, it’s abuse.

Sexual coercion can sometimes fall under the realm of rape but because there is little public education about this, many women who have been sexually coerced may not even be aware that what happened to them can be qualified as sexual assault, and may instead blame themselves for their sexual trauma.

You see the thing is sexual coercion is a tricky thing to define; so I think awareness should also be created concerning this. I mean when it comes down to it yeah, we need more than just knowledge about what constitutes rape; we need a greater understanding of everything that can happen between ‘yes’ and ‘no’, so that there is that comfort and confidence that one is saying ‘yes’ to sex because that is what they truly want. Really at the end of the day it’s your choice and your body, and no one should have a right to persuade you otherwise.

Let’s be clear please having sex out of pressure, being threatened, feeling guilty or because you’re doing it to please an angry partner is all part of sexual coercion. Dealing with an angry partner is a major red flag that you’re in an abusive relationship. Sex should not have to be done out of fear or to protect yourself. Sex like that is not only coerced, it is assault, and most likely part of a larger abuse problem.

Sex without consent is Rape and WE CAN STOP IT.

Click here to find out what Sexual coercion is.