Whose fault is it anyways? It starts with a message or maybe a chance encounter, then there is the flirtation, then somewhere along the line one thing leads to another and what started as an exchange of saliva turns into the swapping of bodily fluids. Now this is where it gets tricky. I have met guys that boast of doing it for two hours straight (mind you the average man has an exaggerated idea of time gone by during intercourse). But with age and wisdom I have come to realize the game of sex is not a matter of how long but how well.

 For most men a single orgasm is all that is required out of sex. If the girl can’t really turn on the nasty most guys would want to tune into the next football game as soon as they get their shot at the net (pun definitely intended). Girls are famous for going after multiple orgasms and from my ‘research’ I have also discovered these orgasms come in waves of different sizes. A small wave might cause her to quiver a bit, a tsunami would have her physically pushing you away at the height of vaginal sensitivity. If you have never experienced this, I truly feel sorry for you.

 So the question is who is responsible for this orgasm? Is it fair or right to blame our partner for something we can manage by ourselves with the aid of porn stars or explicit pics from the wank bank? When NEPA strikes (readers outside Nigeria, y’all don’t know about power cuts) and batteries are down even the memory of good times or fantasies can be called upon to accomplish the mission of climaxing. So why is it that when it’s time for the real thing all of a sudden we are quick to place the burden on our partner?

Men are famously thought to be selfish in bed because apparently we use women as sexual objects to get ours. Well pardon us for taking some responsibility. From my ‘research’ I have come to discover that much of the elusive state of the female orgasm is not down to the man but lies mainly in the mental state of the woman in question. Ladies I hate to break it to you but it is not uncommon for men to imagine doing it with someone else while doing it with you. It’s more or less our equivalent of faking it which women are champions at.

The moral of this post is that while your partner has to be bring some skill to the table, ladies please understand that the point of sex is not to get him to arrive. He can do that fine just by himself. You have to work on your own orgasm or you will struggle. Do what you must, yell instructions, talk dirty, imagine he was Idris Elba or whoever warms your ovaries, tell that guy to bring in some whips and chains if you’re into that. Just don’t depend on the D. It’s all in your mind, all you need to do is put it in the right place.