Dear Ladies,

This one is specifically for you.

So every woman has men she feels a great deal for in her life. Men she respects, adores, loves, fears, cherishes or even worships. Different men occupy different offices in her life – Father, Brothers & other relatives,  the Lover, the Best Friend, Friends, Spiritual leaders, etc.

In light of some stuff I am privy to, my mind went back many years to an incident in the neighborhood I grew up in. A step-brother and a Lover of some girl (whose name I can’t recall) were locked in a bitter feud for a very long time. It was not funny at the time. The step-brother was a hot head, the lover was a cool guy with a sharp tongue – very explosive mix, I tell you. Needless to say, the girl spent all of the relationship putting out fires and mediating between two men she could not let go.

It was simple – both men had to, somehow, stay in her life. None could be chosen over the other.

This was my first experience with such dilemmas. Over the years, I have seen, heard or experienced dozens of it. I myself have been involved in a couple.

First and most painful was a girl I dated whose dad somehow found out about me and immediately hated me. Why? Basically tribal. But I refuse to agree that was all. I have told all that cared to listen that if he had read about me in Forbes before hearing about me from his daughter, the story would have gone differently. Best believe it.

Then a few occasions, where I was a friend or best friend and I vehemently disagreed with some things the Lover of my friend had done. In some cases, I could not hide my displeasure and he couldn’t care less what I thought about it. Mostly we just had a cold-war. No, I didn’t hate the boyfriends, I just didn’t agree with them and they usually assumed I didn’t like them. A notion I saw no compelling reason to correct. Anger and fear are justified emotions and they were entitled to their fair share after all.

A husband who walked a Pastor out of their home. A husband who got into physical combat with his brother-in-law. A BFFs who tossed his drink on his best friend’s boyfriend or even organized to have him dealt with. A father-in-law who gets his son-in-law locked up. The examples are endless.

So, ladies, how have you handled such conflicts in the past? How would you handle such conflicts today?

You have two men who can’t stand each other. One believes the other has no place in your life. You don’t think anyone should leave. What do you do?

– Greg Emuze