By Olajide NanaAisha

I love that I’m trying to be strong. Shedding tears means I’ve let him take a piece of me with him. Shedding tears will make him victorious. I can’t do it! I can’t do it alone!!He loved my scarsHe loved my rough faceHe loved my over-simplicityHe made me his third shoulderHe gifted me the responsibility of being his nannyHe did everything perfectlyAnd the way he sways me off the groundHahaha I’m so smallThis writer is so small and handy.We played ancient games togetherFrom tinko tinko to ten-ten to after round one. We went extreme. I have his pullover. Hahaha I remember the day I wore it, I was so hot! It was far bigger than my handy body but he swore about how great I looked.And the day we boarded a bike together. I’m laughing with tears in my eyes. He laughed all through the short journey, kept telling me how my hair smelt and how easy it was fir me to be “stolen” off a bike. Im laughing, I’m really laughing. I can’t cry, the memories are just too sweet.Have i told you about my waist chain? No I haven’t.Oh no! Explicit content. He never knew I wore one till he “dug deep”. After all those while… I felt he was a real man, nothing took his attention down there. I was happy I found HIM.I remember the day we were driving past a confused woman driver. She yelled at us saying “you don’t know how to drive abi”. He replied sarcastically “Ah mummy it’s your gele oo”. It was so funny, we all laughed about it.Then this fear dawned on meI knew I was going too farI knew i was drowningI knew I wouldn’t be able to save myself if it happensI asked around. I asked his best friend. He said to me “Deromola you have nothing to fear, he hallucinate about you, he thinks about you both day and night, he screams your name from his sleep”. He said a lot of things. I was convinced. Far too convinced that nothing, I mean nothing could happen.Now where is the friend?Uncle friend where are you?Are you hiding in a hole?When did you become a rat?Where is he?! Where is he….I’m clouding in painWhy did he ask me to be calm?Why did he ask me to keep fighting?Why did he tell me my lover could die emotionally if I left him?Why did he give me a go ahead?Why? Just why?!Back to the lover boyWhy did you tell me to keep fighting a battle you knew I would lose?Why did you make me emotionally weak the day you cried in my presence?Why did you make my life all about you?Why did you lie?Why were you killing me gently?Why didn’t you just do it at once?Now my hopes have been dashedA very big thank you to you Mr emotions murderer, for not letting me realise I was threading the wrongest of paths.Dear lover,I’m sure you did gave me hints. I just preferred to get hurt than to hurt you. I was too concerned about your feelings that i forgot I was human too. Presently my feelings are dead. My laughter is sour but roaring. I am a walking dead. I hope I heal very soon.Lastly, you should have postponed the bad news. My exams are close; Next week.I promise not to failI promise to love myself best next timeI promise to be a stronger personI promise to be successfulThank you for pushing me to a motivating height.God bless you.It’s 3:17amYou’re not the reason I’m awake,Coffee is.Image Source – cachenny.com