By Babatomiwa Seriki

Cheating has proven to be an 800-pound gorilla that saunters around relationships. The relative nature of this topic is what creates sentiments in the hearts of many and no better justice can be done to address the issue of who cheats more between the two sexes, so I would love if we can all contribute right after I’m done with my gibber.

Dependent on nature, facts and events have revealed that a particular gender are genetically engineered to cheat; guess we can all easily point out which one. People have so often chewed on this topic and I have come to a realization that no matter how much we try to address this issue, natural instincts won’t change and several mindsets towards this topic can’t be tampered with. Each half wants to hold on to its mental apprehension.

Nobody can directly attack unfaithfulness so we have to base our facts on what people tell us. And clearly, gender differences will arise if the question is thrown in the air. But to face the issue of cheating, I think we need to ask the question of “why.” Mind you, there are no guidelines to follow when it comes to this question, the lists are based on first hand experiences and frequently asked questions. This is not intended to be a full list but just a few to aid our discussion.

  WHY DO GUYS CHEAT?

Petite wrote; “Guys though. When they start acting up, I begin to wonder if it was this same person that loved me or if it was just an illusion.”

Apart from being horn-dogs and objectionably mean creatures as we all know them as, guys still possess qualities that would make females point the finger at them with respect to cheating. Let’s take a look at a few:

• Relationship goals:

Quite a number of females create a kind of map that features their several future goals for every relationship they find themselves. They have cleverly drawn a perfect picture of their futures but elsewhere in never-land, the guy is still having a hard time remembering her birthday. Not all guys want the fairy tale ending; you need to understand this. Some view relationships as a means to satisfy their sexual need but ladies get it all wrong, although it takes time to point out a guy under such pretense. A guy is not that into the relationship as the girl and so, he doesn’t think cheating with someone else should make so much fuzz. I need to point out that the sex doesn’t disrupt the relationship, but the cheating.

Then there are guys who are not so fixated on the sex but fear intimacy. Intimacy scares a large percentage of guys and cheating shields them from such attachment and from getting hurt. This way they don’t get to completely rely on just one girl to give them the comfort they so much desire. Guys are not as hardy as you think, they fear getting hurt too. Balls are not all that strong; if you know what I mean.

• The Clingy girlfriend:

Clingy girlfriends are girls who feel less valued or appreciated and loved in their relationships. The lack of affection shapes into insecurity and a constant plea for attention. There is a clear distinction between clinging and love, this attribute is not all that bad if you know just the right time to draw a line.  Now, back to why guys cheat. Some girls are particularly possessive of their significant other, depriving him of air and free will. No guy wishes for such hold, well except for a few that possess similar attributes. The clingy nature sends a guy packing and the ones that still stick around may swing in a different direction looking for less attachment.  What guys need to understand is that even the ”best” of girls can end up being clingy without realizing it; she either isn’t getting any love from you or desires more and I don’t seem to see any fault in that.

• Free Pass:

A guy has no reason to stop cheating if he has never for once faced the consequences of engaging in such act because girls keep taking him back after he does. Some guys are given a free will to cheat by their different non-exclusive relationships and when they finally find their selves in a serious affair, they still believe they can enjoy the incentives they were once granted by their previous partners. And I need to point out that some cheating guys are repeat offenders (once a cheat might always be a cheat), free pass or not. They will repeat similar trend if they haven’t figured out what led them to it in the first place or they naturally just don’t give a heck about anyone else but themselves.

• Self-control:

Holding back the consistent urge for everything that walks in skirt proves to be a hard task for most guys. This may not sound right but judging by the class of girls out there these days, self-control seems to be a struggle guys pray to overcome and on the other hand, there are also girls who stalk guys like sexual predators, making them hard for the male population to ignore. And sadly, it’s hard for most to refuse such advances.

Then there is the topic of sex addiction, some people claim to have an uncontrollable need for sexual stimulations but the truth is, addiction only comes from repeated compulsive engagement in such act. Take me for example, there was a point in my life when having sex multiple times a week couldn’t satisfy my constant urge (mum mustn’t know about this); I thought I was addicted but the truth was, I had more sex than I should have so when I wasn’t getting enough like I used to, I sought to different options just to meet this urge (let’s save this for later). Some guys lack the ability to restrain from their own impulses; they yield to sexual advances just because they think the opportunity presented itself and they weren’t bold enough to decline.

• Background and Nature:

Background: This is one hell of a factor to consider when it comes to cheating guys. Generally a guy who grew up with cheating parents may find it easy to emulate similar way. This is not a criterion to cheat but a child’s background really tells how he turns out.

Nature: Okay ladies. Let me say a few words before you throw sticks at me. I know for sure this aspect really angers most females just because they think hiding behind Mother Nature’s will is not enough reason for guys to cheat. Like we have so often heard that “males are natural polygamists,” be it in persons or animals. This character portrayed by guys dates back to time so this is more of a trail they follow right from the past. This continuous trait shown by men of all ages proves to be a phenomenon females can’t seem to understand; some have accepted it for what it is and have warmly embraced nature for its inclination towards the male population. Also, a part of guys’ nature is the need for a variety, some claim to be happy in their relationship but still cheat because they yearn for a new experience.

 WHY DO GIRLS CHEAT?

A buddy wrote: “I have so often seen girls do the most obscene things with guys not their significant other. They are as guilty as guys when it comes to cheating but they do it in a more appealing way”

The moment we have all been waiting for,*drums rolling*. We have always lived by the impression that guys are the bigger cheats but the truth is girls are as responsible for this dishonest act just like guys are. Females are a complex being so trying to provide a reasonable explanation for their actions will take a great deal of work. I can only do justice to the few I claim to understand:

• Need for attention and intimacy:

Females have a delicate heart and are quick to respond to any deficiency in their emotions. They require a frequent need and desire for emotional intimacy, physical touch and mental attention. Once these needs are lacking in a relationship, they look to other ways to satisfy their thirst. How long they can hold back differs in persons but it’s like a rash, it’s just a matter of time before it becomes revealing. It might be a guy that creates time to attend to her emotional needs which her man isn’t feeding her or a friend worth giving in into and that moment she senses deprivation, she welcomes the thought of looking to a different direction. They easily build emotional connections and some confuse the bond with love and as such, they can   fall in love with any guy who gives them emotional support.

• Personal retaliation:

Being cheated on is a great deal for the female number. Their trust is broken; they feel sad and find it hard to trust the guy who sored them. It takes time to forgive a guy who cheated on them and the consequence of this is revenge for some.

Ladies have revenge on their cheating partners by giving them a taste of their own medicine. They want them to feel the same way they once did and to seek atonement, some run to the guy’s close friend, relative or a better antagonist. But the truth is, retaliation won’t solve the problem, but better communication, self – assurance, increasing passion and romance in your relationship are the attributes that can heal the wound.

• Horrible sex:

Who says ladies are not particular about sex. Get your facts right guys; a receiver holds better accounts of an act. Females need to be desired and experience an epic orgasm during sex. Not just “arrgh-I-just-came” kind of sex. They also need to experience the pleasure guys selfishly enjoy.  As I mentioned earlier about how quick they respond to emotions, they lose interest easily in a guy who is not willing to adjust to their needs. This gives room for temptation and the desire to look elsewhere for better experience. And sometimes a girl doesn’t know what she is deprived of until some other guy points out the flaws in her man; at times all it takes is for the guy to identify a trait her man doesn’t have and she might give in to him. I will also like to chip in temptation; if a girl is constantly approached by guys, it only takes a matter of time before she succumbs to the inducement. Let’s all correct the stereotype of girls being able to hold back advances from the opposite sex, this differs in individuals and we certainly can’t speak for all.

• Boredom:

There comes a time when it becomes evident he is not as responsive as he used to, the same routine goes around a circle and she feels the need for a change. This feeling graduates into considering other options and in no time she finds herself fantasizing about some other guy. The main damage reflects when she begins to feel excited thinking about the other person. This apparently does not require rocket science to know what can be born from the feeling. Both sexes are guilty of this but your partner losing their charm           shouldn’t be enough reason to give up on what you have built. What we don’t realize is that relationships are subjective; that person you think surpasses your lover is a mess for some other person. So why not      endure your affair and make amends rather than welcome distractions. I am just saying.

• Low self-esteem:

The lack of self-belief gives room for insecurity. And the constant need to seek validation about oneself is a reflection of low self-esteem. A girl that falls under this category thinks she is not good enough and desires a constant need to be loved regardless of taste. Even when loved unconditionally, she finds it hard to accept because of her grey state of mind. She finds it hard to value herself and this leaves her open to being preyed upon which can be in form of sex, emotion or attention.

No one can easily point out either who cheats more or why people cheat in general. Should we accept the world for what it has become? Maybe that’s the one and only resort. I guess I have done the little I could so it’s left to you all to make contributions and correct me where I might have sailed off course. But if you think I’m totally right, then let’s all live happily ever after.