“The only way I’d be caught without makeup is if my radio fell in the bathtub while I was taking a bath and electrocuted me and I was in between makeup at home. I hope my husband would slap a little lipstick on me before he took me to the morgue”

                                                                                                                                                       Dolly Patron

Hey ladies! before you flood my personality with your barrage of criticisms as I’m sure you will after reading this article, I want to first state here that I’m not a Kumuyi adherent and I love to see my lady wear make-up even if she rarely does but the transformation that arises from a perfectly made up face can only be explained by sorcery!

The first biblical record of the application of make-up in association with the use of cosmetics in ‘painted women’ or prostitutes was attributed to Jezebel, the treacherous Queen of Israel who died gruesomely. Therefore the first women to wear make-up were prostitutes, it was a device used by harlots to, in effect, teach men to break the seventh commandment.

These days inner beauty don’t shine, thorough make up does. A lot of women who had zero attitudinal dispositions have landed themselves top choice men because their make-up culture defiled the laws of beauty. Who says beauty can’t be made up, just be careful you don’t go to bed with that guy who has never seen you in your real element without wearing your make-up unless the bed room is pitch dark. If you do then there is a 80% chance that he may never return not just your calls, you may never get to see his sheets again let alone lay on his bed and the other accompaniments.

When an African woman begins to look like a Mexican or Puerto Rican then it’s either one of the parents had an away match or the rules of creation has changed entirely. That’s what is obtainable these days with the help of cosmetics. Who ever came up with the idea of make-up really must have been ugly and suffered a heightened low self-esteem. That person must have really had a traumatized life because the wonders make-up does to our girls sends shock waves to the spines of many men when they are faced with the rare opportunity of seeing them without make-up – for the lucky ones. The level of transformation can make a ‘nigga’ do a waltz dance alone and for some you will be wishing the voice could match the face. Indeed, he who wears make-up wears a good thing but whoever invented make should really go to hell!

This is sheer deceit! You will know there is trouble when a guy begins to see and believe that with the right kind of make-up no girl is ugly. So many girls have lost their boyfriends to embodiments of make-up. Some guys don’t even want to see their girlfriends without make-up. A girl that remains ugly even after wearing make must really be under a nefarious bondage, I mean no girl is the same after wearing make-up. Do you know how many single girls have found husbands just for wearing make-up every single minute of their lives? And of course a lot more divorces have occurred when men who marry for looks discover that their wives are not the same women they thought they wedded because they don’t look half as beautiful as they did look on their wedding day; and that’s because they could no longer keep up with the heavy make-ups that they wore like under-wears as single ladies due to the rigours of marriage.

Someone once said that make-up is directly proportional to insecurity, the more make up you wear the more insecure you are.

Ladies, face it: the cosmetic companies are profiting from your insecurities and that’s how the cookie crumbles. When a person feels downright uncomfortable or insecure about leaving the house without having makeup on, there may be a larger underlying problem. At least we know why prostitutes apply make-up excessively when they are in business; to hide their age and exaggerate their beauty.

“Why do you?”

Don’t get me wrong oh! I’m not saying you girls shouldn’t wear make-up oh! But common, must you apply it even when you are in the swimming pool, haba! that’s the height of inferiority complex.

All I’m saying is, make-up isn’t to make you who you are not, it should give an extra edge to who you are. When you begin to wear make-up all the time it simply proves that you can’t face the person you are.

Girls apply make-up on their faces like its meant to be jewelry for the face, they play with colours, shapes and structure. It reminds me of my first contact with Fine arts those days in elementary school. I’m sure they would have preferred the man they were derived from to be designed or probably made using ceramics and sculpture tie and dye or even paper mache instead of the clay God opted for. Make-up transforms them to mini-goddesses just that I don’t know which of the goddesses they are. I can swear the make-up they wear sometimes affects their reasoning in ways they can’t explain. Some get so hysterical about their natural beauty, worth and self-esteem that they overdose on make-up like they were being auditioned for a horror movie.

However one fact girls know for sure is the power they hold over guys when they wear their make-up perfectly well. It projects a snowball effect, any guy that judges a book by its cover can tie the nuptial knots immediately with such girl without a second thought.

I may want to understand why certain kind of girls would always want to wear make-up even in their dreams and that’s because without make-up some girls will be boys (Taye Taiwo go fine pass dem sef) but it ends up being more traumatic for them than it would have been if they weren’t always caught applying make-up. If you must wear make-up you have to first feel beautiful from within, if you don’t feel or believe you are beautiful except you are told then please don’t wear any make-up on that face not even powder. Let me share an incident that happened in my undergraduate years with you; a girl was gunned down in Benin several years ago by suspected cultists who were after the girl’s elder sister who was a tad bit prettier. On that infamous day, the deceased who had just celebrated her 16th birthday wore make-up that made her look like her pretty sister without make-up. Invariably she had become as pretty as her sister due to the make-up she had on, so when the assailants came calling they had pulled the trigger from a distance before getting close to realise it was a case of mistaken identity. If only she realized early that she didn’t need so much make-up at that age, after all her sister never wore any and she was two years older.

I have a friend who can’t do without wearing make-up, in fact I can swear she comes out of the bathroom with her make-up still on, hers is spiritual (na follow come from villa). The first time I saw her without make up, I was stunned to say the least.

“What the hell have you been doing to yourself all these years” I exclaimed.

She looked prettier without the make-up she has been wearing since she was 15.

Some girls can’t leave their bedrooms to the sitting room or even toilet ‘sef’ without applying makeup.

Fine! It’s cool to wear make-up, it accentuates your beauty and makes you become who you ain’t, it builds your self-esteem and elevates your confidence to a level higher than Everest especially when you know you aren’t so pretty. More so, men are moved by what they see and I mean that literally. Every ounce of them moves even the lower part that is synonymous to erection. So girls, we care when you aren’t wearing make-up, it puts our network busy brain on auto-reset but know this; sometimes people are beautiful not in how they look or what they say but in who they are. Makeup only makes you look pretty on the outside, it doesn’t help if you are ugly on the inside except you want to eat the make-up. I’m not even talking about the possible health implications of excessive make-up consumption yet and for those who sleep with make-up for fear of having nightmares, you are sitting on a time bomb. Girls who sleep with their mascara on should know that it can result in eyelashes becoming brittle and breaking easily.

If I were a girl, I would want a guy that I can run up to with hair disheveled, no make-up and the first thing he says is; Baby! Omalincha nwa!! Pasero mii!!! Omoge!!!! Omo to shan!!!!!Orege lewa!!!!!! (Please borrow me words oh), you are beautiful, wouldn’t you want that too?

Make-up is a mere decoration and pure sorcery, it is not a necessity; don’t ruin your

self-esteem by wearing it all the time.

Lekan Linkin Olofinji