Growing up as a child, my definition of love was mum. I would tirelessly watch the hands of the clock as this was the only thing that kept love from coming home, home where she was desired. Work kept love away from home like the sun from the earth, all she could do was smile from a distance. I quickly learned that love was action propelled by a feeling, fuelled from within; a source unknown even to me as she would never fail to get me things more priceless than diamond though they cost only a penny. This was my first experience of love_ a mothers love to her little boy.

Then just after my 15^th birthday I met someone else, someone whom I soon discovered had more love for me than my first love. Unlike my first love he had no reason to love me, not even the slightest of reasons; even more so because I gave him none. All I did was to show him how worthless I could be. I didn’t care if he stood by watching, I derived fun in ridiculing him, pushing him to the wall with every intent of my heart and every action of my hand. Not so much that I wanted to, I just couldn’t help myself.

Then I watched him walked away with a sense of accomplishment  written all over my face thinking this time I had done it, I had finally given him a reason to stay away for good, but to my greatest unbelief the path he took was meant for me. It led him to humiliation and despair, its final destination was the cross with an axe hung on a tree which was rightly so meant for me. On the other hand, what this meant for him was that he would give up all he was just so he could take a blow I duly deserved. This was more than catching a grenade for me. I bet my mum could do the same, but even if she did, hers would make little or no difference in the whole affair of life for she too had her cross to bear.

I soon got news that my axe was no more, all the things I did wrong was now a part of history code name “the cross.” I then quickly asked myself ‘how could this be’ as I could barely believe this news I taught too good to be true and just about the nick of time, right in the middle of my doubt I felt a calm and tender breeze with a voice from within  saying “I took your place” a voice I couldn’t fail to recognize because I heard that same voice when a lonely man walked my path with the very words echoing from his heart and mouth “I will take your place” a promise I taught no one could fulfil, not even my mum. I call that voice the voice of my savior, for I know now what it means to truly love.

This gave birth to my third encounter with love. This time she was young and tender, not like anything I have ever seen. Her smile indeed made the sun seem blind and her laughter resonates with waves in my heart that far out rises any tide from the ocean. She was always a view I could never get over, one that kept me awake at night even in my dreams. I soon became like my other lovers, all I wanted now to do was to give and give it all for her. Even though sometimes it felt as though she didn’t careless, it did not matter anymore, because I have found myself already across the Rubicon.

I was not as perfect as my own lover, I soon found myself on a swing between two emotions; lust and love. Even though both seemed similar, I knew deep within that one came with a burden that the other could not bear to watch, and now in a surge of reasoning and true love, I sometimes say to myself, I will wait, I will delay a little longer, for she deserves better at least she deserves someone better than the person I have become, she deserves the person I will become. For I know that person will give the world up for her, detonate his grenade of love for her sake and with one knee firmly on the floor will extends his heart and hand with a ring worth more than diamond even though made from diamond and say to her
‘I didn’t want you to be just my Val for a single day, I want you to be my wife for a life time.’

This is how far I have come with love. Happy valentine day to my mum, my God and my wife to be.