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My Phone Alarm Yelled At Me… As I Drowsily Woke Up to the Sounds of Champion by Kanye West…it was 11:45PM. Today is Friday. I had taken the full day off just to be able to get ready for the night’s job.

Friday nights in the Metropolis are a big deal for me. I always got the most work done and made the most cash… After a quick shower I put on a shirt and jean with a neat shoe. Did my normal morning mirror ritual and set off

On my way to the petrol station to get fuel, two young boys stopped me…

Where??

 

Allen Ikeja They said, Tantalizers,

Mehn I didn’t want to leave the island, going to that Ikeja is a real bummer right now.

“Five thousand”…

“Ahh Oga abeg na 1500…”

I drove off without even wasting my time. That was not my plan this night.

Filled my Tank, Took a drive down to Shoprite on getting to sand field I got stopped by an Elderly Man.

He hopped into the car with his briefcase, take me to Eko hotel. I drove off, No Need to be asking this one for price. Got there came down Counted three thousand naira, gave me and left.

Blasting my radio… Made diversion into Phase 1…Drove to waterside, bought some weed, with my Alomo half bottle, Sat in My Toyota Corolla, Still trying to wrap my head around how I got to be a cab driver in the first place, BSc Holder from UNIBEN Second Class Economics. The hardship in this country has hurt some of us, the system is not well set up for growing ones.

All they tell you in Nigeria is hustle and hustle, and just keep hustling, look up to God and all…Bullshit *Shey people wey they hawk Gala no dey hustle. Bullshit as I threw the empty Can of Alomo dusted myself and Drove off.

On My Way, Got alighted by two girls,

Where?

“Escape VI, Do You Know the Place?”

“Yes Sure, I do”

“How much?”

“3500”, I said

“Okay”, they said…

“Lade please call Dotun and tell him that we are coming that he should come out…”

The Second one told ‘Lade’

We got to Lekki Phase 1 Gate and trust Naija Police to be very foolish and try to collect all your money,

Park Park!!! They pointed and directed

*They will be shouting like Thieves but if they see thieves they will be quiet, but Bully Taxi Drivers they will be forming Baddest* all this I said in my head

As he walked towards the car, I Had already opened my mini compartment .Brought out 200 naira and *codedly* gave him, he chuckled and asked for 500

“Ahh Oga I never work, this na my first customers abeg..When I come back…oga abeg abeg”

He then hit my car with that their useless baton and that was cue to go…I drove off towards escape…

“Have you called Dotun?”, She asked again.

“I Just Pinged Him”, Lade replied…

“I told you to call him…not Ping Him.. Call is better”

Me I was just wondering why this other girl won’t make the call…Big Sister I Guess

Got to Escape Looking for Space to Park…Everywhere filled with cars, guessing there is something Big Going Down today.

“Where is Dotun now?? Did you call him??”

“Somope Please abeg chill, what happened to your own hand, take phone and call”

I laughed in my head…

Somope took the phone angrily and dialled…

“Madam Please my Money?” I asked.

Sorry Just chill, we just want to be sure of something’s first…

OHH GOD!! Are these one of those girls that don’t have cab money and one guy said they should come and he will pay… So I have to wait.

Some Guy was walking towards the car, I’m guessing Dotun

Distant Chattering…

Dotun Came to my window and said

“Sorry Baba how Much?”

“3500”, I responded.

Counts the money and gives me, then said can I wait…that they won’t waste time I said I will charge for waiting oh. He re assured me they won’t waste time.

Lade and Somope also joined in the pleading. A Lil wait won’t hurt. They dropped their Handbags in the car and left…

I put on My car Stereo and pulled the seat back and relaxed…shut my eyes…

I must have dozed for sometime. Lade, Somope and Two Extra Girls Came back, Sorry Sorry For spending much time…

Ahh Much Time Ke Did I Sleep for Years?

“1004…Follow that car”, I adjusted my seat. Opened the doors and followed the Black Range Rover.

On our way to 1004, they started talking on the fun they had…Then Lade asked when they were going back to school. Somope Said Monday..

“Why?” She asked.

“There are two more parties now, if we go Sunday we will miss it, what’s the point of leaving school just to come and miss a party.”

Getting to 1004, followed the Range Rover to their building, Dotun came down from the driver’s seat with 4 other boys and counted 6000 and gave me…

“You be correct guy”, he said

“Thank you”, I replied.

As I drove back I reflected.., Should I have asked these Young Girls going out to jaiye jaiye and left school if their Parents will be Proud?? Is their GP Good? Life is Tough now oh

Or Mehn I then thought where has Good GP gotten me?? Abeg Let School go and die, Go get Laid Ladies… Have fun, maybe they are those kids they lock at home.

Well what do I know?

I’m just a cab man and I am just here to serve you

Radio Plays * Pretend Tinashe* as I drive off into the budding daylight

Written by Sir-Jaydee