If I were a girl, I will not allow any boy bully me simply because I am female…If I were a girl, I won’t be robbed off my childhood whilst boys play around…If I were a girl, I wouldn’t give in to male advances or let any unruly, delinquent, unfocused young man use me for sex rehearsals…If I were a lady, I won’t be lazy or let myself be laid by any man who hasn’t led me to the Altar…If I were a lady, I wouldn’t rely on any man’s pay check to live out my fantasy or refuse to attain my full potentials…If I were a lady, I would not settle for less, I will not lower my standards or give any man a discount in order to marry me.If I were a lady, I won’t walk within the risky vicinity of rape, but If it happens, I would not allow victim-shame to deprive me of my right to justice. If I don’t get justice, I will make do with vengeance.If I were a woman, I would not take what the society wants me to take…If I were a woman, I would not marry a man who seeks a subservient, voiceless, subdue-able woman rather than one who believes in genuine partnership and mutual respect…If I were a woman, I would not have married a man without a vision, a clearly defined purpose and achievable goals, not necessarily a very rich man, strangely, such men are never poor…If I were a woman, I would not stay in the kitchen to fix a meal for a man who crosses his legs in the sitting room with his friends and chattering away as Giroud scores for Arsenal. No, I won’t…If I were a woman, I would not forget labour pains and in the unlikely event I take in and go through it once, there won’t be a re-enactment of such a gory encounter. What kind of human being deliberately goes into the fiery furnace twice?If I were a woman, I would not tolerate marital rape. Marriage is neither slavery nor purchase. If I am not in the mood, my man should be considerate enough to drink tea, cover himself with blanket and chant the name of Jesus Christ. I married a man who can control his third legs, not a freelance, rabid dog on permanent heat…If I were a woman, I will still go ahead to achieve my dreams and get to the apogee of my chosen career. Marriage should enhance development, not stifle it.If I were a woman, I would not give you the oral pleasure I cannot get, what is life without role reversals?If I were a woman, I would not tolerate any form of emotional or physical abuse whatsoever. How can you hit me by day and come to me by night in the other room? Do you wish to be unfortunate in life?If I were a woman, I would not have tolerated or forgiven infidelity. If I was important to you, why on earth would you dip your joy stick in another oil? Are you alright at all?If I were a woman, I would have a second address in my parent’s house to alert my husband that every form of fuckery will be rebutted and summarily aborted. Divorce would be the future tense of a terrible marriage, not death. To love and stay United is not by force.Thank God I am not a woman, for I would not just be a very strong-willed Feminist, I would have been a vicious anti-establishment nihilist wiping out misogynists from the face of the earth…