Before we go on with this talk talk writing of mine, please answer these questions (Sincerely):
- Have you noticed how soon you want people to forgive you when you wrong them?
- Have you noticed how long it takes you to forgive a person when you are wronged?
There you have your answers.
Now, let’s do a little mathematics.
Find the difference between your answers to the questions above.
Now that you have your answer, can you sincerely explain why your final answer shows much difference?
Remember, “What is good for the goose is good for the gander”.
You understand yourself and you know it’s going to take you time to fully get over the pain, shock or disappointment you might have gone through due to a mistake or bad attitude of a sibling, friend, colleague, spouse, roommate, neighbor, employee, etc. but you find it difficult to understand that the person you have wronged also needs time to get over the disagreement even after the word “Sorry” has been said.
Quite frankly, it’s never easy to forgive and forget but with the rising knowledge of how harmful UN-forgiveness and withheld grudges can be to an individual, we all try hard to let go of our grudges and move on.
The fact that we all have different threshold for bullshit cannot be over flogged. That also establishes the fact that the time it takes Mr. A to get over the disappointments and pain cannot and should not be compared to Mr. C likewise Mr. Z.
Even if you are the kind of person that finds it very easy to let things go and you easily dish out ‘second chances’ like tissue paper, it doesn’t mean every other person has to be that same way. We all are uniquely different and this is the very reason why the need to have a little understanding of people around you is vital.
Also understand this: when you have wronged a person in such a way that it crumbles the trust s/he has built in you over a long period of time, you don’t expect things to go back the way it is just because you said the magic word. It will take time and some efforts from you to gain that trust back.
No one is above mistake. To err is human and to forgive is divine.
It will be doubly wrong of you to resume another session of quarrel and argument just because s/he isn’t responding to your apologies. Same way the whole sense organ in your body system couldn’t stop you from making that mistake which you have come to terms with, is the same way s/he is struggling with every emotion in him or her to get over the effect of that mistake.
After you have done the following to remedy the situation (works best for best friends though, click here for relationship healing process.):
- Sit and accept the fact that you have wronged a friend.
- Tender sincere apologies without making excuses or apportioning blame.
- Try as much as possible not to say or do things that would remind him or her of the painful incident.
- Give him or her space. Call or send sms once in a while and not for more apologies.
- If he or she doesn’t come around after 5months and you both go way back, please find your way to his/her house, argue that shit out or better still, beat each other up. 😀
Trust me it works. 😀
But the bottom line is, “Give people chance to heal” Our healing span differs
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17 comments
Honestly.,you don’t know how far this will go with me….thank you so much and God bless your brain.
🙂 good to know. thanks and Amen
Hmmmmm. As soon as I realised that not everyone is like me, my life became easier. I began to get angry less freguently and to forgive easily. A lot people need to learn from this tho (y)
Thanks. oya share to them so they can read and learn from it. 😀
HellooI’m the kinda guy that goes around with a very long rope..so I seldom get angry at anyone. I try not to cross people too bcos I know it is not necessary…we can do it the other way but one thingy I ve a problem with is people keep pulling cos they know my rope is wrong… they are quick to say “i’m sorry” bcos they feel… “ooo! it’s babaolowo, he will understand” well I understand but it is natural stupidity to do wrong bcos u think apology will solve it and ppl do it over and over again…and now it’s boring already.like I always tell ppl that are quick to apologize, don’t say you’re sorry when its intentionally done… when it’s a mistake, I will know it is..I make mistakes too… even when I don’t get angry, it doesn’t mean in not angry, my not reacting is bcos I’ve tagged you a fool already.. God forgives, I don’t.
you should learn to forgive oo. Thanks for sharing your view with us
įţş ķįŋdā ƒųŋŋy ţђo..çāųşę į ђāŗdly ęvęŋ şāy şoŗŗy… ђįgђ şęlƒ ęşţęęm… my bād..
is that really high self esteem?
Hmm.. Forgiveness; the word sorry takes two party to come alive, the offended, and the offender. It is always easy to break than to make, nonetheless, when one who breaks sees the need to make, the one who is broken should allow the healing take its course. I don’t find it difficult to forgive, though I find it a lil hard to forget, but above all I’ve learnt to accept people for who they are – imperfect – that’s what makes us ‘human’: to ere is human. I’d rather move on than dwell on the pain of a disappointment. Well written madam.
The one who breaks should allow the one who was broken time to process, heal and allow healing take its course. \nThanks for stopping by fragiletimbz
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When I’m angry, I try to keep to myself and sort out my forgiveness scheme within me.. But I always get this “you are selfish” statement.. And truths be told, I don’t forgive easily and when I eventually do, I never want to remember it or make reference to it..the reason for keeping to myself is because I don’t want my seeing the wronger ,doer or doist( LMAO!! Don’t mind me oh, na that calabar man named OKON Lagos teach me “doer” and “doist”),..as I was saying, won’t want anything to aggravate my anger and cloud my sense of judgement as to why I should forgive the wronger.. Staying away when hurt helps a lot to clear your head… 🙂
abi o. and the doer or doist (lol) should allow him or her that space to stay away. thanks rejoice
Wow! This is really very true. I am guilty of expecting such sharp transition from people I err because I am like that. I easily revert back to status quo. Now I understand why it’s hard for them to quickly return like me. Thanks
you welcome my oga. thanks for stopping by
This is really therapetic…thanks for this word by word explanation of how to forgive and heal.