Click HERE for previous episodes of Excapades Of A Social Media Addict

Few days after Joke’s birthday and boredom was back at full throttle…Gbenga and I spent time meeting up different girls at the Cinema…to say I was missing Ibadan was an understatement. Salewa was pissed off at me, she hadn’t seen me in almost a month now. It was understandable but right now I was trying to stay off sex and just get my head straight.

Segun was done with NYSC and was back in lagos too based at Surulere. I sometimes went over to hangout with him and some of our other school friends. Getting back into the Lagos lifestyle was proving more difficult as ever..and just when I thought I’d just roll over and die, a job offer came through..a dude I had met in Ibadan and gisted with called about a supervising job in a charcoal exporting company. What did I know about charcoal? Absolutely nothing but a job’s a job…he said he was gonna call me back in a few days on where to report to..oh well,good.

Just when I thought I would spend the next few days in Lagos in peace, Elizabeth called..(Elizabeth is a girl I had met way back when we used to run 2go..and only met once at a friend’s end of the year party. She schooled in Abuja)..to inform me she was in Lagos and asked if I would be free the next day. I said sure and asked where she was staying..she replied ‘Surulere’..great..leisure mall once again. Oh well..I could at least have one last date before I started off working.

The next day arrived and by 2pm I was enroute Surulere..got off at Shitta roundabout and strolled over to see Demola.

“How far” he said as I opened the gate and stepped into the compound..“I dey jare..omo food dy to chop?” I was feeling famished..

He bursted out laughing..crazy dude.

“So na hunger carry you from Okota come lere?”“Couple jare..as I drop for napep, one stupid hunger just begin dy worry me”..

He was still laughing as we walked into the house..I just went straight to the room and fell on bed..pulled my phone out and texted Elizabeth to tell her I was around.

“You go chop noodles?” Segun asked“Sure, why not?” I replied without lifting my face off my phone screen. He went out to make the noodles arrangement. Elizabeth replied my text with “Give me about an hour, wanna finish some chores”…babygirl, take as long as you need I said to myself as I looked around for a charger to plug in my phone.

Phone plugged in, I stretched my whole 6ft plus frame on d bed again as I adjusted to catch a quick nap. Don’t call me weird but I can sleep anywhere and anytime..I rarely sleep at night so whenever I feel my eyelids sagging, I grab the chance.

I must have been asleep for two hours or so I thought till Segun shook my leg and I woke up. Checked the time and found out I had slept for less than 20mins. Fuck, think I would have to see a doctor soon.

“When you no go sleep when normal human beings dey sleep. Under five minute now you don close eyes” Segun hissed as he placed a plate of hot noodles and fried eggs in front of me . My hunger didn’t even allow me reply him. I took hold of the plate and sat up properly. Picked my phone and quickly saw my stats 5pings, few mentions..I sighed, would attend to that later..food was of the essence right now. Started up while Demola put on his music deck..

“You don watch fast and furious 6?” I asked him as I was eating..“Yea but na cinema dub tinz..moviesmobile never get clean version” he was already bumping his head to the music he had on..I was about to comment when my phone rang. One glance at it saw the name ‘Liz’ across the screen. Damn! I picked up..

“I am at shoprite, where are you?’ Came her tiny voice..“Oo ok..just walk up to foodcourt, I’d meet you there” I was already dropping my plate halfway. Was feeling downcast about not been able to end the meal. Got up, adjusted my belt, unplugged my fone and headed out..

“Weyreh, who go chop d remaining indomie?” Demola called after me.“Help me cover am…I wan quickly jam one girl”. I was out of earshot to hear his next comment. Practically jogged out of the street and into Adeniran Ogunsanya to catch a keke napep to Shoprite. Got off right in front of Eagle’s club..adjusted my clothing as I paid the driver. Crossed over and walked into the mall. Stretched my arms out wide as I was wiped with the metal detector..do these peeps have any idea how annoying this is?! I just shook my head as I made my way to the escalator…the mall seemed a lil over-crowded today, oh well. I slid my hands into my pockets as I reduced my walking speed..I was almost at foodcourt now and I could already see Elizabeth sitting at the Game place stand and watching dudes at the snooker table. I felt my stomach rumble as she turned and smiled at me. Butterflies? Nah, I don’t think so.

“I almost called out to that tall guy, thought he was you”..she said as I got to her and bent over to kiss her cheeks.“Which guy?”“That one” my eyes followed hers as I sighted a tall dark dude sitting about two tables away. Handsome guy #NoHomo.“He’s as cute as you”…she dropped. I laughed. This girl must be sick or something, me cute ke? Wonder what she had been smoking.“So how has your day been so far?” I asked trying to make light conversation.“Well, its been ok..been home all day running errands and doing some chores”..she brushed back her hair as she was talking..gotta admit she was quite pretty.“Come, let’s go and check the movie schedule”..

I stretched my hand to help her up. She smiled and took it as she got up and we started heading downstairs. She was putting on a jalamia which was really doing a nice job of hiding her lovely round ass. She wrapped her hands round my arms as we walked out of the mall to the next compound which was Leisure Mall. Crossed my finger praying not to run into my Uncle who had a knack for always grinning whenever I brought a girl around.

We took the stairs this time as we headed up to the filmhouse. Two steps forward and I could already spot my Uncle at the popcorn counter. Darn! I give up..Elizabeth was still holding onto my arm as I made straight for my Uncle, today might actually be my lucky day and I’d get a few change out of him.

“Mayowa, Mayowa” that silly grin of his again! I didn’t mind this time, I was concerned with getting something out of him.“Good evening” I smiled as I greeted him.

He wasn’t looking at me though, his hands were already stretched out to Elizabeth. All the males in my family asides my younger brother were sharpshooters, it was a curse..but in this case I wasn’t going on the defensive. He had greeted and started asking her name as I left them and made my way to the tickets stand to find out what movie was showing and at what time. After going back and forth undecided, I excused Elizabeth from my Uncle and asked her to come pick a movie. She decided on ‘The Weekend Getaway’ a Nigerian movie! Arrrghh! Never watched a Nigerian movie in a cinema before..well sha all join. The movie was for 8:30 so we had time to kill..My Uncle had called Elizabeth back while I paid for the movie tickets. Usually whenever I run into my Uncle, he pays for the movie but today I didn’t bother. My stomach rumbled again, what was going on?! I didn’t feel like going to the toilet and my stomach was half-empty sef so it couldn’t be constipation. Paid for the ticket, decided to go to the rest room just to b double sure. Walked into one of the stalls, unhooked my belt buckle and sat my ass down. Brought out my fone as usual to tweet coz believe it or not, only 2 places have the best network reception in the world..a toilet and a church! Got a ping from Elizabeth ‘come and save me, your Uncle is asking for my pin and number’…I bursted out laughing before remembering I was in a toilet. I wasn’t even feeling anything again..just got up, cleaned up..had my belt buckle back up..went over to the basin while a guy who had probably heard me laughing in the toilet was staring at me as I splashed water on my face..bros, you better mind your business, last time I checked, there was no one sane in Nigeria. I walked back out and found Elizabeth already laughing with my Uncle. I joined in the conversation and learnt that Elizabeth had told my Uncle that she was my girlfriend and we had been dating for over 3 months! Shuu, when that one start?! While we talked, I managed to shake two thousand naira out of my Uncle as movie time approached, went to get a big sized popcorn pack and two bottles of pepsi and one hot-dog. My patience finally paid off. We said out goodbyes as I pulled Elizabeth away from him and we headed into the screening hall.

“Thank God, that your Uncle ehn! Is everyone in your family a flirt?!” She blurted out once out of earshot.I laughed and replied

“Nah, he’s just playful..and we don’t have flirts in my family”..my brain started ticking all the male names in the family as I told this big fat lie. We were the first to come in and I went straight to my favourite spot in a cinema..the back row, last angle seats. As we were taking our seats,my stomach rumbled and I could feel a fart coming..Oh dear Lord!

To be continued……………………………….

Written by Bass ( Twitter – @Bass_ige)