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I started paying more and more attention to the girls at the stripper pole and once I noticed there was a free seat close to the pole, I stood up with my drink and switched positions.

The Vodka had started to take effect. I was sitting next to a handsome dude #NoHomo… I looked at him and shook his hand (effects of the Vodka) he shook mine back and grinned. Next thing I knew he was pouring me some Hennessy he had ordered. We started gisting like old buddies…drunkards..didn’t know what Gbenga whispered to one of the ‘strippers’, the next thing I noticed was that she was walking towards me, she got to my side and sat down my right hand immediately shot up and went straight round her ass and squeezed…she smiled and looked at me.

“I am Mayowa” I shouted over the loud noise of the club…I doubt if she heard me though..she just smiled and nodded. I felt something tugging at my shirt…I looked and saw it was my new drinking buddy..I bent over to him and heard him say

“Introduce me na”..how was I to introduce him to a girl I barely knew sef?

While I was still thinking about this, the girl had stood up and returned to the pole…I faced the dude and said

“No worry, when she dance finish, I go introduce you”

“Correct guy” he replied as he shook my hand again.

I looked around for my cohorts. Richard was nowhere to be found, Gbenga was sitting close by with a girl on his laps (smart dude) Dapo was standing at the other side of the pole…a couple more drinks with my new found pal and I knew I had passed my limit (which rarely happens) I was trying to stay calm with little progress, I closed my eyes and opened them to see if I had become stable, wasn’t working…could now really understand the reason why the music was always turned up to the max in clubs.

I stood up and started walking towards where I presumed to be the rest room, as I opened the door and got in, the music volume reduced, thank God, I definitely wasn’t going to throw up for one, but I knew sleep was inevitable, I opened a tap and splashed some water on my face then looked up at the mirror and started talking to myself, 1st step of madness, I must have spent about 10mins there talking to myself when I came back to reality. I was kinda steady now, about 40% normal I splashed some more water on my face again. Checked my phone it was just a few minute past 2am…fuck, I still had about two to three hours to deal with…I rubbed my forehead as I walked back to my seat and the noise once again…now Richard was nowhere in sight. I noticed Dapo was with a girl that looked very familiar…it was Cynthia a mutual friend of ours…when did she come in? I didn’t bother going over to say hello..just went straight to my seat and sat down..

Cynthia must have noticed me cuz when I looked up, I could see her making her way towards me. She had a cigar in hand (call her crazy).

“Where you dey since?” She shouted as she got closer..should I told her I had been practicing semi madness in the rest room?

“I go use toilet”..I shouted back over the noise..she merely nodded and gave me d stick of cigar and headed back to Dapo…I looked at the cigar in my hand..still trying to maintain hold over my thoughts..the DJ had other plans..my new buddy saw the cigar in my hand and without much ado just passed me a lighter..that’s it..I am sure as hell gonna crash 2day!lighted up and blew d joint..Gbenga and his new catch had joined the dancing crowd..an hour or so must have passed when the stripper came over again…by this time I was 10% sane…as she was sitting next to me..I slid a thousand naira note into her panties.

“Wanna suck a dick” I asked before she could complete her thank you speech. She was taken aback and looked at me.

“Do you have a car?” At that instance I started cursing the bloody over-heating radiator that didn’t allow us come with a car.

“Nope…I don’t”

“Then where do you want it” she queried again..this was sure going to be one of my lucky nights.

“The rest room” that was the pretty obvious choice..there wasn’t any reaction from her..she merely smiled and nodded.

“I would meet you in there”

I couldn’t think straight in my drunken state anymore..I was about standing up when my new friend tapped me again

“You don dey move?”

“Nah, I was use rest room..I dey come”

“Ok” even as he said that, he was slipping his complimentary card into my hand..finally agreed, we were both beyond drunk. I nodded at his gesture and made my way to the rest room once again..my brain was in such a haze I didn’t bother to look around this time for my friends..I got to the rest room and took a deep breath..I unhooked my belt buckle..strapped off my wristwatch..took out my phone and placed both on the zinc..I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe again..about 5mins now and she wasn’t here yet..I splashed water on my face again..10mins went by..still no show..15mins..hmm 20mins and then I started talking to myself again. Must have spent about extra 10mins doing that..now 20% sane..I got my wristwatch back on..picked my phone and headed back out.

Everywhere was rowdy as ever..Joke had come over to where we had been seated initially and was dancing with Richard..as I took my seat, she came over and started giving me a lap dance…my dick didn’t move an inch neither did I make any attempt to touch her..after a while she moved away and the inevitable happened..I dozed off! Right there in the center of a club where music was at its max.

It was nothing..it was plain old me doing weird things at weird moments..I slept off and dreamt of heaven which I may never get to if I continue like this.

It was plain old rest that I needed…don’t know how long I must have slept for, was awoken by movement between my legs..it was the stripper giving me a lap dance, what the hell was going on?..I was about to ask when she turned over her ass and made me take air in faster than normal…I sure as hell was getting hard..I placed my palm on her hips as sleep fled from me…she leaned backwards and asked if she could have my contacts, my brain was working anti-clockwise..I took out d card my drinking buddy had given me and slid it by the seams of her panties. When she finally stopped dancing and fully sat down on me..I collected her blackberry and attempted to add her up on BBM.

“Oh my BIS has expired” She said…by now I was about 60% sane…and her English laced with thick Igbo accent made me think properly…was this the girl that I had wanted to get down within the rest room…for once that night, I was grateful she hadn’t  showed up…call me stupid or senseless..I was very picky when it came to women…believe or not, I can’t sleep with a girl I can’t walk with confidently or take to an outing..I find intelligence quite sexy and from the way she spoke…trust me, she was way below average.

I merely nodded and passed her blackberry (bold5, what were you expecting?) back to her…I stood up and then looked around..the club was already rounding up and peeps were leaving already..I walked over to where Gbenga stood just to hear him say.

“Na we send that girl to come wake you oo, you just sleep like idiot go”..

I merely nodded and looked at Dapo..time to head home, all I wanted right now was a bed..I just wanna sleep and sleep cuz I might never get this opportunity again!

To be continued……

Written by Bass ( Twitter – @Bass_ige)