Commitment is something we do in all areas of our lives, and not just in our relationships. What we have to realise is that we can’t have it both ways. Or can we? You cannot be uncommitted and doing the equivalent of writhing around in our own lives while clinging to the fence and then expect everything and everyone to fit in around us while not experiencing any negative consequences.
If making decisions and sticking to those decisions is a problem for you, darling I would like to inform you that you have commitment issues. What you don’t realise when you keep your options open, when you engage in comparison, when you question the hell out of a decision you’ve made or change your mind to please someone, is that you’re uncommitted. It’s that fear of missing out and fear of getting it wrong. But you just have to remember that we fail so we can succeed.
You get a new job but then you’re still looking for another job when you haven’t been at the present one for a day. Ermmm hello please what happened to your gratitude? Do you think you’re going to put in your best performance? Would you work as hard as someone who actually wants the role?
There are some people who are married, or in a relationship, but they haven’t stopped dating because they still want to keep their options open by sleeping around, getting their ego stroked by an ex who they’ve kept as a backup plan. If you find yourself with someone who acts this way, they are not emotionally bound to you. They’re not willing to step up with both feet in.
Some people find it hard to date just one person at a time as if giving someone their attention even for a few dates is too big a ‘commitment’ to make. The problem is when they still have their options open, the people they are with get the shorter and shitty end of the stick.
Some of us have been guilty of this at some point. Commitment comes in various ways and it starts by saying YES or NO and making choices that support your decision. What commitment doesn’t involve, especially in romantic relationships, is having a safety net, because not everyone likes or enjoys your ‘safety net’ aka backup plan or option.
There’s no such thing as a decision free-lifestyle I must say. Sometimes we’ll get it wrong and sometimes we’ll get it right, but we don’t learn how to make solid commitments by making flaky decisions. We also don’t learn from the insights gained if we are unwilling to cut our teeth with our decisions and make mistakes along the way.
In all sincerity, we have to make choices and we have to commit even if it’s as simple as learning to commit to being ourselves, learning to feed our own feelings, respecting our own needs and values with the appropriate decisions, following through on arrangements and promises made.
We may think we are missing out on something somewhere but the question is are we really? The grass would always appear greener on the other side, but then again you get there and realize that you want to go back.
If you get into the habit of making decisions and making small commitments, it would make facing the bigger ones easier.
As usual stay beautiful
XOXO Chantel
