So someone asked me a question and I have been thinking about it. What would you do if you find out your friend is been cheated on?

I have found myself in this situation a couple of times and I have seen it play out many a times. So despite the fact that I do prefer honesty, I have to say, it is pivotal that you understand who you’re talking to because women are very complicated. Most women would tell you that they would like to know if their man is cheating…P.S. that is total BS. Most women would like to know if their man is cheating on them…as long as it didn’t happen. Suddenly it would become- how could you do this to me? And then they are screaming at you. When they’re single again, struggling to make ends meet, going through a bitter divorce, because they’ve decided they don’t trust men, it’s you that gets the evil eye.

You see friendship, especially the female kind is a precarious relationship which can sometimes test the boundaries of what you feel is morally right, and one of the few situations that will really create conflict within you especially when you know that a friend’s partner is cheating on her and you’re confronted with some rather complex choices. Now the question is:

Do you tell her that her boyfriend/husband is a cheating? Do you want to be responsible for her heart break? Just think about it really.

In most cases, she is so in-love with him that she is likely to stay either ways but on the other hand you lose your friendship. Are you prepared to lose your friendship especially when it is unlikely to make any difference in her relationship? Is it your responsibility to tell her?

Do you want to get in-between her marriage/relationship? Do you really want to be responsible for breaking up a family/ dream? What if she ends up calling you a liar?

So you see where the problem lies? As much as many of us are uncomfortable with lying and withholding information, there are many pitfalls and very few benefits to being the bearer of bad news. My problem with this kind of honesty is that, unless this is one of those times when she has been duped into believing that he’s amazing when in actual fact, he’s a class A assclown, the likelihood is that if she is with an assclown who has been exhibiting assclown behaviours, it is likely to all blow up in your face regardless of your intentions. She knows his an assclown but may not be willing to receive the information that blows everything out in the open and pushes her to make any decision.

For some, the knowledge that their man has been playing around is usually the straw that breaks the carmel’s already worn out back and take it as an opportunity to move on and wise up. It becomes a period of growth.

For some, they blame themselves or chalk it up to him being a man, forgive him, and then live a life of insecurities and are likely to suffer further infidelities.

For others, they listen to a BS story from him which suddenly turns the tables around and paints you as a bad friend, who is jealous and trying to destroy the relationship. Suddenly his a magician who makes copper look like gold and you become the cumbersome friend.

In my experience, I had to keep quite even though it annoyed the crap out of me, because I saying something would make no difference. But on the flipside though I had told a friend once and it ended the relationship and our friendship more than survived it.

But hey different strokes for different folks right. So I ask:

In this day and age of assclowns and women struggling with conflicting relationship values, do you think that honesty is the best policy when it comes to telling your friend her man is cheating? Have you been in this situation? What did you do?