You cannot force a man to do anything. You cannot even force him to become someone he is not, and same goes for women. If a woman wants to remain in an abusive marriage/relationship, please allow her and mind your business. We are too much in this world already not to mind our business. One less being can make the difference.
Humans are unique and they react to situations in their own way (Not always how you expect them to react going by what they say though)
It’s necessary to note that upbringing and orientation differs. We read news of domestic violence daily. Men get violated…women get violated.
But because men want to form ‘I am a man’, their natural strength and a society that favours them, we don’t get to hear much about their side of the pain neither is it rampant.
So we have more women being domestically abused daily….
In a society where women are taught to depend on men for everything they need, where the defining factor of a woman’s success is her ‘crown’ (very laughable), a society that would advise you to ‘enjoy’ the beating and torture because…Children, they see a divorcee as the worst thing to happen after Judas, what do you even expect?
Its just sad that every day, a case of abuse is being reported and then you see a sorry question after the tale, ‘what do I do?’
What is wrong with people?
Who are you asking please?
You want the social media streets to make your personal decision for you?
You already have wounds all over. Quite unrecognizable, thanks to your iron man husband and you ask us what to do?
Ok, I will tell you;
Please stick with your man
Stay in your husband’s house
There are no jobs outside
Nobody will accommodate you
Your family will disown you for bringing shame to their name if you have a failed marriage.
That marriage is worth much more than your life.
If you leave, who will take care of your children?
You had better sit and fight for your marriage. If you die fighting, we will tell your children of your heroic lifestyle.
Do not let these bitter feminists, clueless relationship coaches and social media noise makers destroy your home and legacy.
Remain there, at least breakfast, lunch and dinner is sure.
Nigeria is hard now o. Very hard my sister. And I hear it will even get harder before the promised ‘change’ comes, so hold your meal ticket nne.
Some female corps pass outs from yesterday are depressed already. Depressed because they are not engaged, depressed because they don’t even have a boyfriend, some are depressed because their so called boyfriends also passed out yesterday (abi when will he get a job then save enough to be man enough to marry her?) and you cannot hold on to your man?
Men scarce o! Very scarce! Look at bitter single ladies like me. We are finding ‘crown’, we never see. And you are there crying.
Is it not just beating?
Please bear it o.
If you die from the beating, we will mourn. Your husband will be sad forever. He will never re marry. He will spend the rest of his life taking care of the children you left behind.
I hope I have been able to advise you accordingly, this is serious. Please take my advice.
I love you
xoxo
6 comments
Is this sarcasm that I sense at another woman’s suffering? This woman in question is an hairdresser, her shop is at tejuosho. I don’t know much about her apart from that but she might not be educated or enlightened enough to be able to make decisions for herself. My mum is an educated and enlightened woman. In fact, she’s a marriage counsellor yet it took her 21 years to leave an abusive marriage. In fact, we the children had to pack out of the house with her load one time that she travelled out of the country. She had no choice than to come join us at the new place. Because you’re enlightened, you know what to do, you can’t take shit and all doesn’t mean you should be sarcastic and insensitive about another woman’s plight. Not everyone knows what to do. And those that knows what to do don’t know how to go about it. They need a little push, they need someone to wake them up. They certainly don’t need sarcasm like this.
Sometimes Debbie, the sarcasm is that wake up call. After all the pleas most of them still go back. A different approach to this may also be someone’s wake up call.
You’ve clearly not been in an abusive relationship or environment before. You really don’t know the experience. What it means to live a nightmare, in constant fear of your life. That’s the only way of life the victims know. They don’t know another world exists somewhere else. They console themselves daily saying to themselves that everyone on earth has a problem and they’re all dealing with it. They don’t see the severity of their situation because they believe everyone is fighting a battle and they can survive this. You’re seeing the physical impact on them and you can judge them for being stupid and all, but it’s more than that. It’s psychological. You might never have access to their situation to understand them well enough until you live it. It’s beyond what you can see.It’s beyond packing your things and leave. Most victims of abuse believe they deserve to be treated as such. They believe they brought it upon themselves, like it’s their fault.Sarcasm won’t do much as a wake up call. Trust me, I’ve been there.
I once had a cousin who was in an abusive relationship. The abuse started while dating but she kept it a secret and it took her mother’s presence when she gave birth to her first child to discover she’s being beaten by her husband even with a month old baby between.When I discovered, I simply went for the husband and showed him my street credibility CV…I advised him to try it one more time if he fancied loosing an eye or a limb and it ended. He practically abandoned her with their baby because he coul no longer beat her for the pleasure of it. She moved back to our house and life continued. Nobody has died till date.The problem is exactly what you just said…most people take it as their cross and live with it foolishly. Abeg why did Jesus carry a cross for me if I’m to carry it all over again?
A man or woman that refused to take the saintly sane action of stepping away from his/her death sentence can be likened unto the people of Kwara who after being shown how the Saraki dynasty had enslaved and lived lavishly purely via the stealing of their commonwealth for decades are still singing “Sai Saraki!”I’m sure I’ve said this a million times. The story of a woman whose husband died in an industrial accident and the elders of the church gathered to break the news to her, her first reaction as she broke down to weep was “Na who go come dey beat me ooo” yes! that’s the first thing that came out of her mouth.It is not society that teaches people to become slaves, it is the lucid attachment to a profile they don’t already have. A woman that goes around with scars from the torture she goes through from an abusive his worried about what? What people are already saying about her battered face or what they will say if she runs for her life.I had a very funny experience recently and this had to do with sexual abuse. A 60 something year old man was caught sexually abusing a 12 years old girl (her step daughter). He was caught in the act and I led the charge to get him arrested while we investigate if he’d gone the whole yard. Luckily the girl was still intact but before we could seek further legal actions against him, the girl’s mother herself got a guarantor and secured his bail. When I asked her why she did something as stupid as allowing a man that was abusing her daughter’s sexually off the hook…she simply said she didn’t want the girl’s dad family (ex-husband) to find out about the abuse?. Yes she allowed the man abusing her daughter’s off the hook because she didn’t want the family of a man that abandoned her with three daughters…yes three daughters because she didn’t give him a son…she was worried about what they will say when they didn’t say a thing when their son abandoned her because she no born bomboy.People are just messed up in the head!
I support Debbie on this. No, this is not what someone in an abusive relationship wants to hear. You don’t understand someone’s pain doesn’t mean that it doesn’t make sense. Some people have never really known love, pain is the only kind of love they know, its the only kind of love they understand because its the only kind of love they’ve experienced. Sometimes even when they know the right thing or decision to make, they still need someone to push them, someone to stand by them. Women need to learn how to be independent, to know they don’t need a man, its not easy but its not impossible cos when a women knows she can do without a man, she will never have take any kind of pain from him. When the man who’s suppose to protect a woman now becomes the person she should be protected from, that is when she needs to have her own strength. Strong women are not born, they are made from pain.