By Hymar David

I understand some people struggle with their identities, their sexualities, their personalities.

They ponder: am I gay or straight? Am I born again or hell bound? Am I good or bad? Is something wrong with me? Am I normal? Am I a boy or girl ( hello, Caitlyn my transgender buddy, howdy doo? )

I wonder how many ask themselves: Am I a rapist?

You can be a rapist and not know it. Just as you can have HIV in your system and walk around all bubbly while the disease kills you from inside. Some sicknesses are strange like that.

Here are 7 ways to know you are a potential rapist.

If you reason like this:

1.“I know rape is wrong but that girl is too indecent, look at her dressing. Bumshorts and miniskirts every time! Why won’t she attract rapists?“… If you reason like this, you are a rapist. How come these hot men swaggering around with only short knickers and boxers are not being raped? Oh, you think women are not turned on too? So, based on this mumu theory, we should blame kids of 3, 4, 5, 6 for being raped because they like to run up and down in their under wears?

2. “Wetin she dey find for hin room?” “Why should a woman visit a man alone in his house?”

Translation: I am a sick, sex-crazed animal. Keep away from me.The fact that you believe if another person is in the room it will deter rapists shows how weak you rapists (all rape defenders are rapists Abeg) are.

3.”Is she not his wife? No be him get property?” This kind of thinking arises from a masochist view of marriage as a man owning a woman. That’s why women are battered in their marriage and society would tell them to be more courteous, more submissive to their abuser husbands.

That’s why a woman, after a long and tiring day will whisper ‘I am too tired. I don’t want to have sex now’ and her husband will go ‘nonsense, are you denying me my birthright!!!’ Ripped nightgown and forced penetration later, the woman staggers to the bathroom to clean up and shut up. Because the term ‘matrimonial rape’ is Greek to our ears.

4. “Why will a woman walk alone at night? She brought it on herself.” – So, women are to be put on curfew to what end? Protect them from monsters like you lurking in the dark? A woman cannot get up at 9 and say, I need to go for a walk to clear my head? A woman cannot engage in 6 am jogging without having to carry a Machine gun to defend herself? Which kain life!

5. “She didn’t shout. She enjoyed it!”Okay. In the case of a married woman living with a sick, sex-crazed animal, which shout make she shout again? So her neighbors will go ‘Haba, Mrs. Ade, calm down. We know say e sweet you no need shout make everybody for street hear.’

Again, a woman has a hand on her throat, a knife or bottle to her neck and a death threat to deal with as a sick madman is panting on top of her and this is the best you can come up with?

What of those who were drugged? Why not ask them why dem no fight the drugs’ effects join.

5b. ‘She enjoyed it, she just want to blackmail him because he broke up with her.” – Say after me: “Rape is rape. In a marriage, rape is rape. In a relationship, rape is rape. Ex boyfriend or current boyfriend, rape is rape. Blackmail or not, rape is rape.” If she was raped and kept quiet since only to come out now, it is still rape. Inugo? Sho gbo? You hear?

6. “After all he spent on her, she thinks she can just break up with him without even a french kiss.” Oh, so the reason you bought her that Gucci bag was because you want pity fuck? Are you that wretched? That cowardly that you cannot tell her straight out what you want? Where you guys get the idea that girls are mind-readers, only heaven knows.

7. ‘She led him on‘ Really? How? Because a girl smiled at you when she passed doesn’t mean she wants to know what’s inside your recycled boxers. Get some sense and some love into your life. Only people who are not loved come up with arguments like this to justify rape.

And only weak men rape. Rape is proof you are not man enough. It is proof you cannot look her in the eye, talk to her and get her to say Yes! It is proof you no sabi toast girl. It is proof you are sick and lonely and need to commit suicide help asap

Rape and the defense of rape is proof you are a pathetic, pitiful, dwarf( respect to all dwarfs with giant hearts and minds) who is so insecure and intimidated by a girl or a woman that he thinks using his superior physicality will change that.

And dear victims of rapists aka weak men, I know it is not easy. BUT I want you to know that you are strong. That you are not at fault. That there is no shame in being helpless. I need you to understand that if you let the experience break you, if you let it make you a shadow of what you were or should be, you will be giving your abuser the victory. Staying strong is the only weapon you have. That and your voice. Speak!

Stand tall. Cock your head to one side. Keep going. Smile. You are still beautiful. You are not less…Never will be.

Written by Hymar David