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BODEIt was hard telling Sesan about my stolen phone but I managed to do so. After all was said and done. He just smiled and said “we go work something out”, patted me on the back and proceeded to get a black polythene bag from Latifah and left us.

SESANMcDowell’s gotten, I strolled back to the ladies’ room thinking about Bode. Well he was still new to Lagos. His stolen phone wasn’t the issue but his approach on Latifah. Didn’t know how I was going to tell him the girl was a loose cannon and could fuck any dick in sight. I heaved and sighed and I stepped back into Aso rock. Spent the rest of the night eating and drinking with Yemisi and company. Stole occasional glances at the new girl but she never for one second paid me any attention. No worry, we get where we go catch you. My sleep that night was blissful, with the morning came another headache. Bode needed a place he could take Latifah out for a date. I scratched my head thinking, taking her to ICM, ikeja would blow her mind. The girl never jah like that but mehn Bode pocket go suffer. Thought of E-center, naa, not now when every Tom, dick and Harry went there. Galleria was out of the question. So I told him the only good option left. Leisure mall, surulere, coded place, cheap too. And if you no wan watch movie sef, shoprite is the next building. He thanked me and left, this boy na still JJC o. what was my plan for the day?

(The events below took place two hours later)……………

“You sure say e go work?”, Boka asked again.

“Guy, I don tell you, e sure die. The guy say make I just use am with tramadol”, Ben answered his question for the third time in a row.

I adjusted myself on the bed where I lay silently listening to the ongoing conversation.

Bello just stood by the door, arms folded across his chest as we all started pondering what was before us.

“When she go land?”, I asked what I thought was the most vital question at the moment.

“In about thirty to forty minutes sha”, Ben replied as he wiped his sweaty brows. It was understandable. Today was the D-day, asin ehn, D day! Bisi had finally agreed to come fuck him (well according to the bbm chats he had showed us) and in a move to totally finish her on bed, he had visited the chemist on the next street who was our pal. And had returned with two blue pills he had called Viagra. It came with a guarantee that he would last over two hours. We were all silent once more as each person was lost in his thoughts.

“Sesan, how va, shebi you still get tramadol?” Ben was now taking charge of his fate. He knew the answer, I had come back from an ill-fated job I had taken at a charcoal farm in Ilorin last year with packs of tramadol. And all I knew was that they were used by the farmers as some sort of energizer. Why I had packed them, I don’t know but I had shown the guys. I never knew they also acted as Viagra.

“Yea, e dey my room. How many he talk say make you use with the pills?”

“Errrm he say four”

“Four ke?! Wahala dey o”, I exclaimed.as I stood up and dusted myself.

“Come collect am o, I wan go sleep” were the next words as I made my way out.

“You no go stay watch match ni”, Bello was saying with a grin as he made way for me at the door.

“I no dey interested unless Benji go gree say I go enter set”, I didn’t wait to hear the curses that followed me as I made my way to my room which was two doors away. Pushed my door which was slightly ajar and got my kicks off. Opened my wardrobe where I kept the stack of tramadol. Took a pack out and threw it on the nearby table and I fell on bed. Mehn, it has been a while I got laid o, picked up my phone and browsing through my contacts idly when Ben poked his head in.

“Guy you come lie down ni? Where the tramadol?”, He asked. My hands replied for me pointing to the table.

“Thanks man”, he said as he grabbed the tramadol and made his way out.

I continued flipping through my phone till the inevitable happened. I dozed off. Don’t know how long I was out but loud bangs on my table woke me up instantly. My blurred vision made out Bello’s slim tall physique.

“Guy wetin happen na? Which kain parole be this”, I blurted out angrily. I very much hated being woken up abruptly, moften gave me migraines.

“Bobo, dey come quick”, he didn’t even waited for my reply as he was rushing back out.

My anger evaporated as I began pondering what could be going on. I had forgotten all about Viagra, tramadol, Bisi, ben and all. I got a pair of slippers on and buzzed out too. Sounds were coming from Ben’s room, seemed to be the place where whatever was happening was. I stepped in and the sight before me was shocking and crazy. Ben was lying down in the middle of the bed stark naked with his dick hanging in the air like a huge mushroom with lots of veins on show.

“Osanubua of the seven seas” I whistled out.

“Omo, Bisi no show oo”, Boka offered before I could even asked what was going on.

“And he don go use the pills and the tramadol down”

Ben groaned out loudly as if to remind us he was here o. I started breathing fast. Ok calm down.

“Wetin Bisi say happen?” Logical question.

“She say her mumsi call her say one tin one tin”.

Ok, don’t panic. Ben groaned out again as if to tell me “Panic oo!!!” I rubbed my chin as I noticed I was sweating.

“That girl no go die well o”, Ben cursed out from his pain. The issue at hand didn’t give me enough time to laugh.

“Benji, how va? Shey you no go wank like this? Stroke yourself well”, Bello’s advice.

“Be like say you dey craze, you think say I never try am before I shout for help ni”

“Ehen abi make another person do am for you. You know say hands different”, I raised one eyebrow at Bello to see where the idiot was heading to. Definitely he isn’t suggesting what I think he is suggesting because if he is suggesting what I think he is, I would slap his soul into next year.

“Wetin you dey talk?” Boka asked the obvious question we all wanted to ask.

“Ehen say make Boka help you dey massage your dick make me and Mayowa sharply run go that chemist place to ask for solution”, Bello answered with a straight face.

“Shey o ya weyreh”

“Bello dem dey do you from your village ni?”

“Bello, you no go die better o”, Ben’s usual curse ended the assault on Bello.But bello did make a good point though which I acted upon.

“Bello, make we dey go the chemist place. Boka chill with Ben, we dey come”, I turned round and pulled Bello by his arm.

“Make I wait with am dey do wetin, shey I resemble nurse ni abi”, Boka’s voice trailed off in the distance as we got out of the house.

“Guy, make we jog, if that guy die, I no fit write statement o”, I said as I took off running rather than jogging. A few minutes and I was bending over panting as I arrived at the chemist. Bello arrived about two minutes behind.

“Egbon, we get problem oo”, I blurted out as I caught my breathe.

BODEI smiled as Latifah walked boldly with me past her house and into our compound. The date had turned out well, I had taken Sesan’s advice. I picked Leisure mall in Surulere as our date venue. Sesan had said it was the cheapest hangout spot/cinema in Lagos. Cheapest my ass, I had left the house with 7k, borrowed and own funds and had luckily gotten home with four hundred and fifty naira. The movies has cost five hundred naira per ticket. Cheap enough but the snacks, cab fare had swallowed up the rest. Well at least she was following me to the room, something must definitely happen. My only prayer was that those guys shouldn’t be up in there gambling.

Walked round the main house with Latifah holding onto my arm. I started staring at the room entrance. No footwear whatsoever. Thank God o. We stepped on the corridor and were walking past a guy called Ben’s room when we started hearing.

“Abeg rub am well, put small oil. Oya rub am faster”

“Guy, easy o, I no be woman oo abi make I leave am make you come dey rub your prick yourself”

What the fuck was going on? Latifah and I stopped and stared at ourselves. As if reading my mind, she stepped forward and opened the door. And there right in front of us was Ben lying stark naked and Boka sitting by his side holding onto a rod that was later to be Ben’s dick. What the fuck was going on?!

Written by BASS @bass_ige

THE HOUSE VI

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